Make Room for Growth
Have you faced the dark side of your mind?
Growing up the dark side of the mind was something I didn’t rationalize. When it's something that we are not aware of or taught to understand, trauma can help it fester, causing us harm and even creating a disorder .
This confusion and the shame it is accompanied by, ultimately led to my reliance on pharmaceutical drugs , however I was still crippled with the mind causing emotional pain.
Whether the thoughts or memories were violent, vengeful or even sadistic in nature, I punished myself for having them. These insidious little thoughts ruled my life , having to perform OC rituals to make sure they weren't or didn't come true.
This was prevalent till I began understanding just because they appeared in my mind doesn't mean I liked them, wanted them to happen, or somehow thought that they are who I am.
Intentionally blocking thoughts can make you fearful of what they say about you as a person. Some stay busy so the filter in the mind doesn't allow them to appear so easy. Unconsciously we think if we stay distracted there won't be room for them to show up, but it does in other ways.
If we begin to understand that "we are not what we think", we allow ourselves enough space to rationalize and ultimately release the very thoughts that keeps us locked in the behaviors that control us.
We realise we dont have to judge or identify with every thought that pops into our head. That we aren't bad, mean or somehow twisted . Memories, thoughts and feelings dont make us who we are, they cause contrast but we choose how to grow.
The dark side of the mind is something to be understood, not feared. If it's something you struggle with don't be scared as you're not alone. We all have a "dark side of the mind", it's just how you view it.
Just pausing can give you the space to see it for what it is and allow the thoughts to come and go. I stopped punishing myself for things I hadn't done or weren't my fault as I gave myself the space to allow them to come, no judgment and ultimately go.
Mindfulness is the best place to start, this is the simple act of taking that time to pause and be aware of what is currently running in the present moment, focusing on the Now. You will find thoughts feelings and emotions begin to emerge, mindfulness is allowing them to run through without labeling them as good or bad but simply what is. Not reacting to the thoughts or emotions but simply being an observer and allowing their hold on you to slowly dissipate.
I found myself leaning towards meditation, a deeper form of mindfulness and this began the real journey of rebuilding my self worth, confidence but mainly awareness.
Life was not ment to be easy but in our minds we can allow more Simplicity.
Love yourself, take the time, pause.