Why ME, Why NOW
My story when told completely some find it hard to believe, but for the full low down you will have to wait for the next edition of my books.
What I can tell you is my tale is as old as any, love, trauma, pain, heartache, love again; self sacrifice, self rejection, self love, social stigma, loneliness, abandonment, I mean the list goes on, however this all goes hand in hand with the human journey and our first mission in this wonderful thing we call life, finding our way back to ourselves. Some of us take detours, some of us take short cuts and some of us it takes getting completely lost before we finally find a way home. However the only real thing you can get lost in are the stories themselves, these stories can loop so long that we find ourselves exhibiting strange behaviors and accepting less than what we thought we deserved. Trust me I've been there, which is why I can tell you with certainty, there is no amount of detours, roundabouts or dark forest that can stop you from finding your way home, from finding yourself.
I went through a series of unfortunate events that resulted in several metal disorders that reared their ugly heads at different points in my life. It started with obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, psychosis and eventually schitzopgranaform psychosis. Some I learnt to live with, quite sussesfully I might add, some thankfully where for a shorter period of time, all ended up with pharmisutical intervening and one took me two years to heal and feel anything again. I tell you this not to scare you but to show you that no matter what you go through and what you are left with as a result of the event, you are always capable of moving through it to find your feet again, it may take time and a lot of hard work but as you move through the painful process of where healing begins it becomes liberating.
This journey has been one heck of a ride, from towering heights to upside down loops, monumentous breakdowns and powerful breakthroughs, and through all of it I have kept one thing by my side, the little girl with hope, she has been my light, my driving fource and my source of love and forgiveness, without her I would never have found my wild woman within. These days they stand side by side and walk hand in hand, they are the reason I am able to deliver the messages that I can.
My hope for you is that you find the connections you need through these pages, even if its just resonance to know your never alone on your journey. Just always remember, we must walk the dark to know our light, that there is always a lesson under the rubble and ashes of the fight, your gifts will come from where you least expect it and your purpose is always your birth right now matter how much life has made you feel regected, sometimes as crazy as it sounds, that exactly where you find it, behind the hardest point in your life.
It took me completely losing myself, my motivation, my emotions and life ending contemplations to become the person I am today that can dive into the dark to bring you a message of hope, to be able to ground the lessons I’ve learnt so the words can be spoke. Before my life altering crisis I always wanted to help people but it wasn’t till I was forced to deep dive my dark side was I able to have the, courage, disciple but most importantly the embodiment to do what I know do.
As a child I struggled to read and write; I was 16 before I ever read a novel and I cheated on most of my spelling tests. Now I am a published author of a teachable memoir, currently working on another book, while writing these blogs for you. I’ve been crushed by life events so hard, some at my own hands, that I gave up on being a voice for those that live in silence and you could forget about thinking I could ever be a role model, but now I'm moving into public speaking and released my healing journey through poetry to show life in the struggles of youth for resonance.
I’ve been lead astray by people that called themselves spiritual, so much that I rejected it and was scared to dive any deeper on my own… but then I was slammed by the universe to face it all in one giant (never want to do it again) life altering crisis, in which I rediscovered that little girl inside of me, the one that was so connected to the universe she never lost hope. I saw everything I struggled with, everything I was scared of, everything that tried to beat me down was exactly why I was here, they were the perfect vehicles to deliver everything I felt I was here to do. The struggles created scars which I wear as badges of honour, as I know what it took to heal them and this is why I say to you… don’t hide the pain, don’t bury the wounds to fester, don’t allow your fear of the darkness stop you from integrating your shadow, cause as you can see my friend… this is where your power still lays and in this darkness… this is where you will be found.
So… why me, because I choose to be here, I choose to do this, I picked my mission and they gave me the trials to go with it. I forged this journey through life’s fire and I alchemised my message from the pain it took to get here; right here to be speaking to you today. I believe there is no better help then that which comes from those with the lived experience, whether its what you can do or what you should probably avoid, who better to ask then someone that has walked in your shoes before you even put them on.
And why now? Well you tell me, you are reading this, you are here, you came here for a reason… so why now?
For me, it’s as simple as it took me this long to become who I was meant to be, to be able to deliver the help I came here for. Hey, if I didn’t go through what I went through, none of this would exist. For me its all about embodiment, alignment and timing, and well… that timing is Now.
Acceptance is key
Love will come
Happiness is already within you
Cassandra <3